Don't be fooled, I may be dating a....

Don't let the British accent fool you! I may be dating a red neck....

How many of your boyfriends, husbands, fathers, brothers etc. knew that September 1st is "Opening Day"?

Opening day for dove hunting season. I didn't even know there was a dove hunting season! I may be dating a red neck.


We in Southern California are use to the men turning on the Telly on a Sunday morning, searching for a bit of football, racing or even the occasional fishing show. However, there was a very sad face around here when he discovered there was no "Hunting with Hank". Apparently, 'Hank' is a hunting dog. I may be dating a redneck.

My older son turned 21. Did you know that 21 is the legal age for owning a pistol. I'm trying to teach my redneck to say 'pistol' instead of 'hand gun', as we in So. Cal only think of hand guns in the same category of mayhem and evil. The same 21 year old declined the offer of a 'pistol' as a birthday present. He was sent a very useful and excellent pocket knife. I may be dating a red neck.

I don't like bullets or guns and they all make me nervous. However, you should see the eyes light up on my 17 year old son's face when he was asked if he'd like to go to the desert and learn to shoot. Do you think it is genetic?

I'm in love with a redneck.

Consequences

Appropriate consequences when raising children, often takes some creativity. Granted my three are all almost taller than I, which is quite a fete in itself.

When at Disneyland, if mis-behavior occurs, the punishment, oh whoops, consequence is going on "It's a Small World" with me, with me singing of course.

Now, that I'm dating an Englishman, I myself am learning all sorts of things. Did you know that you can take the European out of Europe, but you can't take the Speedo out of the European? He does own and use normal swim trunks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't own that Speedo! (It is blue)

So, now when the teens act up, the consequence is that he'll actually wear the Speedo swimming with them. All to a chorus of them crying, "Nooooooo, we'll be good!"

The lily pad has landed

Okay, so I'm still seeing the Gallant Prince. He still opens my door for me and if I ask him to do something he says, "I'd be happy to".

Not to worry, he teases me as well, and has been trying to get me to say "Worcestershire" correctly (who knew steak sauce could be so difficult to pronounce!?) remember he is British.

Last weekend I survived meeting the 'triumvirate'! The 3 other women... his old business associate and dear friend, his ex-wife and his daughter! Yes, all in one weekend, and I am still standing! This midlife dating is a lot of work!

However, as much as that may have been an ordeal, this weekend we are winging our way to San Diego for my family reunion. Whoa Nelly!

Does this man have fortitude or what! He thinks it will be fun! Ah, that British humor! He will meet my 2 brothers, 2 sisters, assorted nephews, cousins and in-laws all in one house! It boggles my mind, and I know them. Oh, yeah maybe that's why it is boggling me....

Spring has sprung

It seemed to be a quiet winter for the Lily pad, but spring has sprung.

Thank God!

Hope springs eternal and it must if you are going to be on-line dating. The combination of Hope and Patience.

So last weekend was my date with Gallant, who has turned into a Prince.

And within the next 4 days, I received a follow up email from an Internet 'match', an invitation for coffee from my neighbor and an invitation to a concert from the coffee 'date' guy.

And so what is one to do?

Are you kidding?

The Prince prays great AND fixed my toilet!

There's just no room on the lily pad for those other guys....

Gallant

I had a date with a galant guy tonight.

Galant is a dying art and I think we should see that it be brought back to life. I personally am going to start on my boys. They are already pretty wonderful gentlemen, they just do not know that galant is an upgrade from gentleman.

Walking down the street, he took the out side. Crossing the street, he moved to where the on coming traffic would be. I'm pretty sure that I've been running in the wrong dating circles!

Let's see I've dated:

deciver
goofy
gummy
geeky
solo
shorty
persian
godly
and
eeyore

but never a galant.

Okay here we go....

Dating is fun. No, really I mean it. I have a date tonight. It alone has perked me up and allowed me to forget the economy to the point that I cashed in my free points and got my nails done. It feels nice.

Now I will say, that I've already spent a week talking to this man on the phone. We share the same sense of humor, and so I know if nothing else it will be an enjoyable evening.

He's also got a great accent as he is from Britain. Oh, sorry, I've been told by him, that I'm the one with the accent, as he speaks the Queen's English.

I confuse easily

I am a wise parent. I've learned to follow my instinct and it has served my kids and I very well.

In the world I am a bit naive. Even at the age of 50. I just don't always get 'it'! I especially don't get 'it' when it involves men!

Last week a man I know from a group I'm in called to say he enjoyed talking to me and could we talk some more. So, we met for coffee. Okay, but here's the thing, is this a date? We're both single, maybe he wants to just soak up some of my wisdom, hey, quit laughing! I think it might have been a date. He's called everyday since and asked if we can meet again. Hmmm.

A different man, I met through the wonders of On-line dating and I hit it off well emailing, then moved to a phone conversation and made mention of getting together at Starbucks for coffee sometime soon. He sent me an email today, a 'chatty' one, then sent another that said, "Forgot to tell you the coffee smells delicious". Okay, here's the thing, this is a compliment, right? Not a reference to not wearing perfume when we meet for coffee. I will say in my defense that he is British, so we're not exactly speaking the same language.

Of course the only thing I do think I know for sure is that when it comes to men, we're never speaking the same language.

May be they are confused...

May be the men writing their profile are confused. Perhaps some one told them that when you check off the little boxes that says age, height, marital status or physical description you are just making wishes!

May be they think if you check the box, then you are. It is that simple.

I am single, check. Reality - married, but we can't tell.

I am 6 feet tall, check. Reality - 5 foot 10 is almost 6 ft, we can't tell in pictures.

I am 51, check. Reality - I'm 59, but hey new math...and in my pictures you can't tell.

I am athletic and toned, check. Reality - whoa! Your picture shows a pregnant man, with a gut so big it says that you haven't had any athletic activity beyond beer curls in years. How they leap from that reality to the little checked box is just beyond me!

It must be April Fool's Day!

I know it is April Fool's Day for three reasons:

1. My son's alarm clock went off at 4:30 am instead of 5:30 am, meaning that his sister set his clock ahead an hour last night!

2. The calendar says so.

3. There are some things I am not looking for in all this on-line dating stuff and today a lot of them happened.

Due to the fact that my real name is Ellen, I really don't want to date someone named Alan. That is just a bit confusing. I also prefer to date people in nearby towns, after all I am not all that keen on seeing them at my grocery store (and if you've seen some of the ways I run into the grocery store, you'd know why). Also, I like to keep a bit of my anonymity, a tad of privacy.

So today, I was 'favored or saved' on a site by a man, which means some interest etc. Ahh, good right? Well.........

His name is Alan.
He not only lives in my town, but he lives on my street!
He is what I would call a friend, we chat in the street, know each other's kids and I sent him a card when his wife died.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but for today... I'm driving the long way around the block.

I will be the judge of that

There are some things only another can judge. Sure, if a man says that he is 'sexy' that says a lot about his self-confidence. However, it does not really say anything about whether he is sexy or not.

I find when reading men's profiles, if he says he is sexy, my immediate response is... ho-hum, next.

However, I am a single mother of teens, a single owner of dogs and a single (well, me and the bank) owner of this house. So when I read a profile that says he is 'handy', I get kind of excited. Just think... a man that could unclog the garbage disposal or knows how to change the light switch! Whoa, now that is sexy!

A middle of the road gal

Reading profiles is like listening for an accent. I guess I'm just a regular middle of the road gal.

If the man's profile says, "He just likes kickin' back and cruiz in it" (and yes, this is how he spelled everything), I'm pretty sure we're not a very good match.

If it says that he, "am an intelligent and sensitive man looking for love in all its manifestations but especially in the guise of a beautiful..." I'm even more sure that we are not a good match. I am college educated but I do not converse in this fashion (how was that)?

OR:

"I am looking for a single unatached woman able to hold an intelligent conversation about something I find interesting, That can..." Again, been to college, but I'm not interested in doing this!

I will be the first to admit that profiles are hard to write! You want to be real, but stand out, but be honest and sincere and yet don't get lost in the pile.

The ones that are for me fit in two catagories.. funny or just plainly honest. Real examples...

"I am a Knight in rusty armor with a good sense of humor, I am also a 52 year old, not bad looking, guy who just moved back..."

or

”By the grace of God, life is meant to be enjoyed and that enjoyment is better when it is shared."

What can I say, I guess I'm just a middle of the road simple gal.

Being Honest

I just saw the funniest profile, but at least he was honest. He is 61 and never been married, does have one child and is looking for a STR. This stands for Short Term Relationship. He claims to be 'lusty' and wants to point out that he has never been married.

This 'Prince' is certainly not carrying a glass slipper, hopefully he is carry a condom.!

Who said there'd be days like this.....

It was NOT my Mama, as she'd never have been one to understand this Internet dating thing. To tell the truth, other than those of us who are single and willing to enter into this other realm, I'm not sure anyone really understands it.

I am having a Jr. High moment. Remember Jr. High? Did you like it? Were you taller than all the boys? Did the only one that asked you to dance or be their girl friend or look at you twice, was the kind of odd one?

I'm pretty sure that Internet dating is harder on tall women and on short men, well dating in general is harder on them, after all our numbers are more limited. Yes, I know stereo types or whatever, it is a comfort level thing and we want what we want.

Just consider this my day of stomping my feet and being frustrated with patience. Patience is just not all it is cracked up to be!

Just a few more bad pictures...

Since I wrote the last entry, I've seen a few more photos that just had to be included!

A profile that had more pictures of the man's cats than of himself

A profile with one picture only, the man was in his car (I am assuming it was him) and you couldn't see him, just the car.

Do you know how many men don't seem to be able to smile? That alone is scary!

If you've read this you know how I feel about 'wife beater' shirts, well, as though they are not bad enough, I just saw one that topped it! A 'wife beater' and a cowboy hat.

Some advertise "Just Do It", today's advertisement from me? Just click "Next"!!

My Unsolicited Advice!

GET a FRIEND!

No one should be allowed to put up pictures for a profile with out a friends help, advice or clearance!

I am going to assume that women put up some pretty stupid pictures as well, but I'm only looking at men. Here are this week's pictures that I did see!

In no particular order, they were all bad:

Old guy with no shirt trying to bench press, messy bedroom in the back ground. (A lot wrong with this one).

Close up of their tattoo.

X-Ray

Baby picture

The muscle T (at our age, not a good idea)

The guy flexing

High school picture

And don't get me started on the shirtless pictures....

God's sense of humor

I am one of those women that like almost all sports. I prefer to watch Football and Soccer, yet I'm happy at a baseball game and I could probably even get into hockey. I do NOT like car racing. Never have and it has not grown on me over time. My ex-husband was the kind of guy that did not like sports, except... yep, you got it.... car racing!!! It is noisy, dirty and the only time it gets interesting is when someone crashes, so that is not really good. It doesn't get better live, it just gets louder and the crowd gets scarier.

When he moved on to his place I honestly thought to myself, "I'll never have to watch racing again!" (Said with the utmost glee).

So the first man I dated more than once, loved..... car racing! However, that is long over...

The thing is....

do you know how many profiles of men who seem reasonably sane, intelligent and possibly a decent match, not only like car racing?

They've all got pictures of themselves with the car they actually RACE!!!

Lord, you do have a sense of humor! Can't I just find a reasonably attractive, somewhat bald guy with a good attitude who golfs?

Those towns

I am going to admit to being prejudice. I hate to say it, but it seems to be the truth.

There are some towns in So. California that I just do not like. I don't like to go to them, drive through them, or have anything to do with them. I guess I am a snob. I like towns that do not have a mini/strip no character mall on every corner. Cars parked on the dead lawn, because the cars in the driveway don't run. Pit bulls and weight lifting equipment also in the front yard, I guess the beer cans have filled up the back yard. They speak a different dialect there as well and most of it would still not be acceptable on prime time TV.

This is not my version of Mayberry.

When I come across 'matches' from these towns, I tend to shutter a bit and click next. Yes, I'm jumping to conclusions, but what's a gal to do? There are just some ponds this lily pad "ain't" floating in.

The economy

Well, the economy must be hard on the scam artists too. There seems to be more of them, and they are getting more creative, but not necessarily smarter.

I got the standard 'Hello' fishing line from one of them the other day. Now the problem is this guy couldn't even get his story straight in one paragraph. One rule of scamming is that if you say you have one child, a 10 year old daughter in your introduction, you should still have that in your summary. When your only child is then a 12 year old son, even we the slow and old tend to catch on.

A date today or not...

I am 50 today.

There is no 'man' date. But I count so many blessings and my glass (well, currently coffee mug) is more than half full! I am blessed by you, my friends who continue to encourage and enjoy my ramblings here on this blog.

I am blessed by friends who have called, written and send me best wishes.

I am blessed by my 2 brothers and 2 sisters who have sent me flowers and sent me a gift certificate to grow more flowers, fueling my passion for digging in the dirt.

I am blessed by my wonderful children, who tease me about being old (with a twinkle in their eye), stick up for me, brought me coffee and peanut butter toast in bed, plan to learn how to make my favorite dinner (old family recipe) and who are the light of my life.

I am blessed by all that is still yet to come here on my lily pad.

I am blessed by my Lord's love for me.

thank you for being a part of it,

Lola ;}

If pictures speak a 1000 words....

I've heard it said that men do not read what you write, so keep your profile brief. To some extent that does make sense, I tend to glaze over a bit with profiles that go on and on. Some men even say if there is no picture and they will not respond. I don't blame them there either.

Pictures are extremely telling and we all want to see them. Are they too poised? Fake? Funny? Real? or Scary?

However.... I'm just wondering.... if the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, perhaps I should include some pictures of my famous meatloaf?????

Motor cycles

I drove by 3 guys standing around a motor cycle talking and looking at the bike. I realized that this is NEVER something you'd see women do! You just know they'd all lowered their voices an octave and were saying stuff like, "Oh, yeah, it's headers are heady and the torque is sweet. She just screams on the mountain roads. Grunt. Scratch".

Now I finally understand why on their profiles they have pictures of their 'bikes'....

they think we care!

What 'they are looking for'...

I can find these funny or scary, but either way, probably not a match for me....

Some quotes of what men are looking for, specifically written in black and white in their profile:

- likes to motorcycle and is good at setting up the camp site

- someone with good grooming

- an IQ of 135 to 150

- outgoing attractive female

- easy going, fun, no drama

- Nice looking mature peaceful loving and patient Christian man looking for new wife

-The woman I am searching for will have experienced the pride and accomplishment of attaining her collegiate educational goals. She may have extended those goals in pursuit of continued education, formal or otherwise, a goal for which I would be the cornerstone of support. She would be radiant and self confident, a person that is or has experienced professional success and desires a partner that is likewise focused and continues to be ambitious in all endeavors.

- I would love to meet someone that is honest and sincere with a kind heart and a gentle spirit.

Ya, I like the last one....

Wink

What the heck is a wink on the Internet? Match.com has a feature where you can 'wink' at other people's profiles. BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN?????

Is it a:

polite hello, saw your profile, good luck?

a wolf whistle from the entire construction crew?

an I'm not really single, want to have an affair?

I'm too lazy to write anything, why don't you start?

I'm shy and I'm hoping this goes somewhere?

I'm not really real, but I'd love your money, wire directly to Nigeria?


I've received 32 winks. I have no idea if that is good or pathetic. The reality is that it doesn't matter, because these have gone no where, which is probably safer for me. I know that a lot of men don't understand this whole wink thing either, because some of their profiles even say, "No winks, please". Good for them, they are probably the save ones.

The thing is, in real life, I love a wink. It is a bit like a hug from across the room, as for the Internet, I have NO idea!

ah, well, have a great wink-full day! ;}

Circumventing the system

Internet dating sites are a business, thereby they charge you a fee to belong. They do let you 'browse' for free. On many you can even put up a profile for free. If you want to communicate with the other members you need to be a paying member. Now that really does not seem unreasonable does it? The fees to join? Well, usually a six month membership is a bit less than a nice dinner date. You have options to even pay by the month or quarter. Again, not unreasonable. After all, they are selling 'true love' here!

There are some men (they get picked on because I'm not on the site looking at the woman's profiles) who place a lot of effort to getting around paying this fee. They put up their profile and act like paying members, but somewhere in their profile, they tell you that they are 'currently not able to respond on this website', but you can reach them at blah, blah, blah @ blah-blah, if you are interested. This is where they get creative and give you their email, in a cryptic fashion. So, you have to figure out their email, then contact them, etc... just to find out they are a user and probably a cheapskate to boot.

My advice when you see that, grab your wallet and run for the hills.

I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore...

This time I had decided to use a different site. The numbers where very high there, so it seemed like a good decision. Now, I'd seen this sight before and wasn't too crazy about it. There was something a bit 'shallow' with the sight and I'd heard that some people used it to find dates while still married on this sight. Now that can go on anywhere, so I tried to 'stomach' it all and give it a try. What can I say? After 5 weeks it still doesn't seem like a good fit.

There is a huge percentage of men 'matches' that all live in New Port Beach. Now how can that be??? Yes, I am a bit naive, today I finally realized that they are not all being truthful. Ahhhh, ha! They probably live 'close' to New Port Beach and as we know 'close' is a relative term. I'm not even interested in dating anyone at New Port Beach anyway! Do you know how long it takes to get there?

Why don't we just start a site that is called "Shallow.com" This will be great for people who think living in one town is better than another, telling the truth is optional and using people, just part of life.

I think it is time to pack my profile and find a better fit.

Laid back

Honestly, it is not all that easy to write a profile about one self. However, if I read one more man's profile that states they are a 'laid back guy', I am going to scream. What does that mean anyway?

It does not necessarily mean patient, calm or understanding.

In my experience I'm pretty sure it means that they are 'laid back' in the Lazy Boy recliner and would like someone to bring them a 'brew'.

Oh No!

Oh no, it has happened! Last night on a dating site I saw a friend's husband. Yuck, yuck, shmu..... double darn.

I have not been in close contact with this friend so for all I know, they may well be separated, however, I know they are not divorced and there is just something stinky in La Crescenta. Our sons birthday's are just a few days apart and so the boys are 17. In his profile he says his son is 18. Either he truly is clueless or is trying to seem.... more available??? He also states he is 'drama free'. Yeah, I don't think so!

And yes, I do intend to let my friend know...

No Weird-O filter

I've been on a few different sites now and have yet to find one that has a 'weird-o' filter. 'Weird-o's exist everywhere, and yes I know to some, I am the weird-o. Sites are like stadiums at a college football game. We may all be there to watch the same game, but we're not all rooting for the same team, happy with the same hot dogs, or even want to be sitting next to the loony stranger who we've got to endure for the next 3 hours.

You may be familiar with the term "Equally Yoked". I do want to be 'equally yoked', so I've been to 2 different Christian sites because of this. You'd think this alone would be a great 'weird-o' filter. I have one word for that thought.... NOT!! The sites have a much smaller population than other sites and a much larger 'weird-o' factor, sorry Lord. I'm glad you love them, but once again 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' and I do not want to be holding any of them.

New

Dating sites seem to be redefining the English language. "New" is a pretty simple word, or so I thought, silly me.

Apparently 'new' can mean a variety of things. Mostly it seems that 'new' just means, well, nothing... When does someone stop being 'new'? The dating sites have no understanding of the word 'new'. Yahoo! personals (who I used to like) sends me 'new' matches by email a couple of times a week. Wow, what a deal! Except, here is the problem, these guys are not 'new' and I saw their profile months and months ago. What makes them new? Why don't they just be truthful and say, "Hey, here's some old guys you might have missed".

Not only is there apparently a 'new English language', but apparently Yahoo! has its own 'new math' as well. The email heading today said, "We're sending you 6 new matches". The email itself had 2 'old' matches and 4 random guys that were not a match, but in Yahoo!'s esteemed wisdom declared these matches 'close'. Gee, thanks. However, 'close' only counts in Horse Shoes and Hand Grenades.

Criteria for a good match

Some day I hope to run out of information for this blog, but until then....

I was checking out a different site the other day and ran into a new set of criteria for picking the 'perfect' match. Yes, it made me giggle... ready?

Do you recycle?

Not only do 'you recycle', but do you do recycle at work? at home?

Followed by, "How would you feel dating someone who was not as concerned with the environment as yourself?"

This was a 'regular' site, not a special matching site for Green Peace singles.

In my opinion, even recycling is not a cut and dried issue, and is subject to one's own definition. In my family, I have a 'tree hugging' sister (yes, she has the arrest to back it up) who lives in Oregon. Her idea of recycling is reduce and reuse and she is leading the way on this issue. On the other hand I have an ex-sister in law who lives in Oklahoma. Her idea of recycling is to clean out the car while you're driving. Toss it out the window as you go down the road and scream, "bio-degradable" while you do so.

Actually, for any long period of time, both extremes make me uneasy. Once again, I've fallen into the middle ground, me and my big fat bio-degradable lily pad.

Someone...

There must be truth to the saying that there is someone for everyone, because I've just been to Disneyland and saw them.

Pretty Pictures

If I see one more overly (truly opinionated) good looking guy, poised, built (yeah, not just 'fit', but 'built), beach/pool shirtless picture, I just might go crazier! Even if these guys are real, I want someone normal.

Bring me a regular real man, someone a little bald, maybe even one who stays active to keep his belly down, so they can enjoy the ice cream of life, not just rippling abs. Someone who offers to bring in my trash can when it's on the street, won't panic when one of the dogs throws up their dinner, someone who knows what to expect with teen-agers in the house. Someone who gets right off the freeway and stops when I say I need a latte, and I need it now.

What I've learned is that Pretty boys come in all ages, but I prefer men.

The Web site I'd like to see

Chemistry-Compatibility-Personality traits

Different sites believe they have 'the' answer to helping make us all a great match! Terrific! Some keep it a big secret, some color code your profile, yes seriously! These are our 'primary motivators'. There is:

Blue - Intimacy
Yellow - Fun
White - Peace
Red - Power

Mine says I'm Blue 37%, Yellow 24%, White 22% Red 18%

We all have some of each, and this website shows our percentages. The little colors pop up when you check some one's profile. What does it all mean? I'm sure I do NOT know.

When you read profiles, you never know, is this the truth, a bold faced lie, or just a personal interpretation.

Here is the website percentages I'd like to see pop up:

Honesty as Abe:
Puffing or just has trouble express themselves with the written word:
Misguided sense of self:
Saying what they think you want to hear:



Have a great Blue, Yellow, White, Red Day!

Lessons from a friend

I've learned a lot about daily life from one of my best friends, our black lab mix Snickers.

1. It is good to bring joy to someone else. I can make Snickers happy with 6 little words, "Want to go for a walk?" He wags his rump and heads straight to where his leash is kept.

2. When you climb the hills in life it is good to do so with a friend. Snickers helps drag me up the hills, when my enthusiasm for the walk wanes.

3. Be prepared. Life brings us 'poop' on a daily basis, be prepared (plastic bag) to deal with it.

4. You might have to deal with 'poop', but you don't have to carry it around all day. Dump it as soon as possible.

5. Trust your instincts. Even the best of friends might want to chase some squirrels, this doesn't mean we have to!

Trolling

Trolling for a catch, is how the Internet dating often seems to be. Like we are just in a big sea of fish/dates and some people (I assume women do this to men too, so I'll not just say 'men') are throwing their hooks out there ready to catch anything that comes by. These 'trolling fisher-people' also assume we (the fish) are the dumbest fish in the sea, ready to grab onto any old hook that lands our way.

In the last 24 hours the following 'hooks' have been thrown my way:

58, no picture (always scary), lives with parents/extended family, pet gerbil (I did not make ANY of this up)

42 - Kansas City (hell of a commute for a coffee date), he states he is a business man and does consulting work, cut and pasted here's a bit of what he has to say:

"I was born in united state of america.i grow up there .after that i willtravel to malasyia,for business."

(This particular hook is looking for a really stupid fish)

2 of the other 'hooks' profiles have already been removed, hence they were just 'scamers' looking to take advantage of some desperate and dumb fish/dates.

All this talk about fish makes me think that for lunch today... I'll have a cheese burger.

Dating ads I'd love to see

Every dating site has advertising of the couples who have found their 'match'. I do believe that they are probably true (yes, Polyanna is alive and well). The couples do vary in age, but other than that they are of course great looking, trim and have all their teeth.

I want to see the other matches. Who matched up with:

the woman who has 9 cats?
the guy whose dog drinks beer?
the woman with so much black eye make up on she might be part racoon?
the man wearing the wife beater on his motorcycle?
the woman who's pictures are 10 years old and the guy didn't care?????
the people with no pictures at all?
the people kissing their poodles? (okay, I didn't really see that one, but you know that they do)!

now that would be some addvertising!

out on the ledge the new profile is UP

Just so you know what you are missing (ha..ha..) here is the main body of the new profile...


I do enjoy a bit of competition, but this is not the place for it. I'd rather have a few great matches contact me, than just LOTS of contacts. So I'm going against the grain, not being generic and giving you all the reasons (with thanks to Jeff Foxworthy) to click to the next profile.

I might be a bad match if:

You only like petite!
You don't really exist, but I may have won the Nigerian lottery
You don't like to take walks or be outside
You hate dogs and kids

I might be a bad match if:

You'd never be caught dead in Starbucks
You find traveling a hassle
You only play games that require sitting quietly while the other person is 'thinking'
You don't understand why I'd go to church on Saturday night just because I heard the music would be great.

I might be a bad match if:

You'd hate my hollering at the TV during football season
You don't like going to the teen's events like comedy night, music and games
You hate holding hands and affection
You don't like outdoor concerts or casual get-togethers

I might be a bad match if:

You think honesty, integrity and character are optional
You're divorced and do not know 'what your part' was.
You do not donate time or money to something.

and finally I might be a bad match if:

You like Eeyore more than Tigger
You find light hearted, up beat, caring people 'silly'
You do not try to be the best parent you can be

Walks on the beach

If you've read any profiles at all, be it man or woman... 95% say they like to walk on the beach. Well, I don't really. I don't like sand in my shoes or tar on my toes and after one short walk my poor old feet are in need of a pedicure!

I love to walk almost anywhere and if there's a board walk at the beach I'm your gal.

My Internet dating escapes have spanned a little over a year and if you read this with any regularity you know I'm nearing my 50th big day.

I'm ready for Patience and a profile that is not like vanilla ice cream, a bit more like me (choc chip mint with a dash of peanut butter and choc... yummy) I'm going to take some time to rewrite my profile, like me - honest, humorous and caring. One that most people would go hmmmm, next, but that just a few who may truly be a great match might contact me.

It will take patience, but you can remind me, that 'someday my prince will come' and he too will not be vanilla...

The good thing...

The good about dating Old Guys is that they're already old. One doesn't need a lot of imagination and our expectations can be fairly reasonable. We know exactly what they'll look like when they get old, because they already are.

We know what kind of father they are, what kind of worker and how much energy they have or don't have. We know if they'll have hair in strange places (which as we age are becoming less strange). What you see is certainly what you get and that is refreshing.

I like old guys.

New Beginnings

So begins my new life just shy of my 50th birthday, after 3 1/2 years of being Separated our divorce was final a few days ago. Out of being in that limbo state feels good. Ending a marriage, although for there to be life for any of us, it had to happen was still sad. Not the train we'd so hopefully got on.

I have not truly been single since I was 25 years old!! Almost half my life ago, wow!

I've done my best to heal what needs to be healed and am moving forward with hope and joy.

In that I launched my profile on a new and different personal dating site. It works differently than the one I understood in the past, we'll see if I like it or not. I had to crack up though it asks for turn-ons and turn-offs. So long hair on men turns me off, hey, it asked! So I clicked the little box... then cracked up! No one in my age group has enough hair for it to be long! Bald is getting cuter everyday, and it is a good thing!

Single Awareness Day

Surely you've heard of this? Single Awareness Day, my son says this is what 'we' (singles) will be celebrating on February 14th.

I for one really prefer 'regular' days instead of 'holidays'. New Year's eve, Valentine's day and Mother's day are not my favorite days. I'm not complaining, just stating a fact. I prefer to extend my love to those I care about on a regular basis on regular days.

So we (the singles I live with) will muddle through this Valentine's day. I for one will be in gratitute for my father, who I still miss, not only as my first Valentine but as it is his birthday as well.

Just looking

No, I'm not ready to put my profile back up and get out there and start 'dating' again. I'm sure I will, but in a little while. However, with the Internet one can 'just look'.

You guys are making me laugh. Don't you think we read these things you write AND even possibly remember? An acquaintance through work had a profile last year, that I saw. It said he was new to Internet dating and had never tried it out before, but he was giving it a try.

No problem right? Well, yes, last year. However, his profile is still up, still says he is new and when he joined the site I was using 6 months ago, once again said the same thing. Sheesh, how long can it be 'new' for you and how many sites does one use before they've 'tried' it out! Give me a break...

Out of the mouth of babes

If you know my 'babes' you are well aware that two of them are taller than I and the third is closing the gap daily. However, they are still and will forever be my 'babes'. I am blessed by them and I know it.

Until the recent break up, I was dating the same man for the last 4 1/2 months. I'm glad I mostly left my kids out of my dating, as I really do believe it best for them. However, they did get to know him just a bit.

I've let them know of my breaking off of the relationship and why. More gently and wisely than their years, they affirmed my decision and my worth.

With polite respect for all parties, one of my sons gave me a gift, as he said, "Mom, I think you'd be better complemented with someone who is a little less Eeyore and a little more Tigger".

Don't poke the bear...

When dating, especially over the internet, some men claim to be a 'big ole teddy bear'. Yes, it seems to be true and at 50+ they are a bit more like the well loved childhood toy than those fresh of the shelf. A lot of them have bald patchs, their stuffing has shifted and they may not even have all their parts.

That's okay, because these kind of teddy bears know how to offer comfort, support and love.

However, when you poke them, if they growl, bite or snap your head off... it is best to just get the h*ll out of there.

A tough weekend

Some days there just is nothing funny to say...

What's that song say? "Breaking up is hard to do"? Ain't it the truth! Like a train wreck, I knew this was coming or rather if I chose to be healthier this time around, that this break up was coming.

It really all came down to the dough nut or the hole. He was always looking at the hole OR explaining why there was a hole and how much money the dough nut company was saving by having a hole and dough nuts use to be better back in 'the day' when there was no hole, except we all know for this metaphor, dough nuts ALWAYS had holes.

And so I've had to give up this relationship, even the good stuff, because the focus on the hole was turning into a big black hole that sucked the joy and fun from life and it was too much. So I am sad and yet at the same time a little bit free..

Mr. Potato Head

It has been one calendar year since I gathered up my courage, wrote my profile and went 'on-line'. Dating at our age, you pretty much get guys who are, well, if not set in their ways like cement, the cement is being poured. In a way this is good, as you can't change someone, shouldn't try or think you can. As always it is a matter of examining one likes and dislikes to see if a match can work.

The man I've been dating and I have what I'd call an attitude discord. All that to mean, we've hit a rough patch, I've been seeing it coming, and the options for tomorrow not quite decided.

However, it makes me want to date Mr. Potato Head. Remember that toy, where you could pick what kind of nose, hat, ears etc. Mr. Potato Head had?

With the dating year in review I'd build my own Mr. Dating Potato Head from my infamous dates this year:

Harley Guy - his prayer ritual
Simi Tom - sense of humor & financial stability
Coffee with Carlos - hmmm, no idea! Oh, yes, loved to dance!
Zoo Guy - location
Clyde - height
Jack - giggle
Persian Guy - politeness
John - spirituality & loves his job
Joseph - generosity

Mr. Dating Potato Head, where are you?

I'm finally understanding...

I'm finally understanding those 30 year old guys. They've got a steady girlfriend, they love her, enjoy being with her, are working hard at their job and are happy to keep it all just that way. They are not that interested in getting married, hey, why upset the apple cart? The future exists in, well in the future. Today they are just happy with the way it is today. They've got a lot on their plate, and I get it!

I've got work, kids, a house, two dogs and a steady boyfriend. It is all I can handle, just for today, and I handle it best today, just the way it is. Hey, why upset the apple cart?

A warning system

My youngest child benefits from my 'boy friend' as he does not have any girls and hence finds her immensely amusing. If you don't live with this child, she is immensely amusing.

This girl's birthday is just around the corner and she wants to include him, with some 'boundaries'. She wants him to come, but doesn't want to see us kiss. She makes it sound like we're two teens attached at the lips. NOT! A simple kiss, does sometimes happen, which is of course quite lovely for me.

Her solution is to have a warning system. She plans to make an alarm sound prior to entering a room where we might be.

Exposing oneself

In the past, I believed that I was a 'normal' person... ha, ha, ha. Today I've learned that perhaps I am a normal, yet 'private' person. Oh, right, that said from someone who has a blog on their mid-life dating. Hmmmm.... Okay, I guess that means I am a private person sometimes. There! That is sufficiently vague.

Steadily dating Josiah for the last 4 months. We've spoken or emailed each other everyday during that time. There are mentions of the other to our kids, but except for a few handful of times our time together has been solitary. We are both still entrenched in raising teens, so our opportunities to be together are infrequent and it is natural to chose to be alone when our schedules align.

Today he was at church with me. No big deal right? Well not exactly. I've been a member there for 25 years, was married there, sat on committees, baptized my children, cried, sang and am raising my children there. The majority of my friends belong there and it is there that I am known, it is my home, my extended family.

I did nothing out of the ordinary today, sang in the choir, greeted my friends, drank some horrible Presbyterian coffee, there with him.... and it felt like I was running up and down the pews naked! Well, maybe not naked, just in mismatched underwear with everyone to see, that I was there at church with a.... with a.. man.

Yes, I survived and all I can say is that if you weren't there, you might have missed it.

You might be a bad date if...

Your boobs are bigger than mine

You stand on your tip toes to try to kiss me

You steal the salt shaker on the way out of a restaurant

You are missing teeth and you're okay with it

You don't offer to buy my latte

You spend most of the date talking about your ex-wife

You tell me how you prefer a Brazilian, on the first date!

Setting good examples

It would seem that there might just be two kinds of parents out there. Those that are concerned about setting a good example, and well those other ones.

For the most part, I've tried pretty hard to set a good example for my kids. Sheesh, I even gave up eating cookies for breakfast because of them.

Being an adult and having them watch you date opens a whole new Grand Canyon vista of opportunities for them to examine your behavior. Good or bad? Who knows! My own parents were married for 53 years, when Dad passed away.

I guess there is nothing in my dating at 49, that is a bad example for a 49 year old, however there in lies my concern, they are not 49.

So far they (those kids) seem to be launching into adulthood with pretty good heads on their shoulders. In fact they get to give me back all kinds of advice I might once have given them.

When pulling away for our Thanksgiving trip, my eldest said, "Okay, have fun and make good choices".

Opportunity

Depending on my mood this word, opportunity is a gift or a curse.

Dating is just like life. Wow, how profound. We want our 'opportunities' to be exciting, open new horizons, be the grass we think is greener.

Yet, unless one is dating an alien life force, men are still men. They're fathers, workers, sons, they were often husbands and now they are dates, boyfriends and this is a whole new world.

There are days I am delighted by the new opportunity. To find out that my sweetheart thinks I'm worth the moon and the sky. Then there are days that the opportunity are too much, as I see this same man puts peas in the macaroni and cheese (yuck).

One of the few things I've learned in life is to never pray for patience. You never get patience delivered nicely on your doorstep, you get the 'opportunity' to practice patience. I for one have enough opportunities just for today.

yep, it is a whole new year

Wow, what a ride!!! This roller coaster of life has especially this last year given us thrills, chills and a few spills. No matter the ride, I find that I am a fairly balanced mix of introvert and extrovert. Enjoying my extroversion best with those I care about, making them laugh, enjoying time together and needing a bit of time alone from even them to regroup.

Just this time last year I was beginning the tiny steps toward dating again. Helped by the tool of the Internet, I forged ahead. Sat on my sister's bed with she and her partner, 'man sorting'. Looking at profiles and fine tuning my profile, ready to send it out there, into the dating void....

That was before I knew that there would be people trying to scam me, those guys who were 'in Africa building orphanages', sheesh, do I look that dumb or that rich???

I'm entering 2009 with a steady Sweetheart (sorry, he is 55 and 'boyfriend' just doesn't work) content with just dating for now. We're both still raising kids, trying to make a living and not tear our hair out, grateful for another adult who thinks we're special to spend time with.... beyond that...

well, today is enough for me to handle, I'll leave the rest up to my Lord. Thankfully he's in charge.