Mixing dates and kids....

Mixing dates and kids and why you don't want to do it! My kids are wonderful, but, well, human and teenage humans at that! Up to now, I've been keeping dates away from them for the kids' sake. Now, I believe I'll keep them away from mine or for my date's.

When my kids meet my friends, they have a polite and passing interest in them.

When my kids meet a date, they have a polite, yet a puffing of the chest and a drawing a line in the sand interest in them. Wow, who knew!

Do you have any idea how much a 14 year old girl can talk? Entertaining for sure, overwhelming, well at least to me!

Gals remember when you use to bring home a guy to meet your dad? Well, that is nothing compared to a date meeting your son! Especially when although the son may not have a license to drive, he does shave and can truly look the date in the eye.

After sharing all of about 25 minutes of dinner with my date, my artistic, peace loving son summed it all up to this:

"Mom, he seems smart enough to treat you well and if he doesn't I'm pretty sure my brother and I can take him"

Internet dating a bit like Disneyland

I took my kids to Disneyland. We had a lot of fun, got tired and yes, spent a lot of money and my feet hurt. Memories made...

Waiting in the twisting, rambling lines, you get to see a lot of humanity. Most of it families or couples. About these couples, there sure is a lot of unique pairing that happens in life! The curvy girl with boys boxers showing, the curvy girl with her boobs showing, the Swedish boy using Snuff (who knew this still existed), tattoos galore, beards, bald heads and piercings, young and older and of course fat and fatter.

Looking at the men in these lines I realized, that the variety of people on an Internet dating site is very similar to these guys in line. There were plenty of men in those waiting lines, however, there were very few I'd like to get on a bobsled or pirate boat with, much less let them buy me some ears!

However, there were a few, which is the whole point. It reminded me of the the diversity of the world, and all the possibilities that exist. It is also helpful to remember once again the necessity of being patient, while 'in line'. There are a few men out there, and they may be worth hanging in there and waiting for the fireworks.

Movie date

Movies are great. Movies are fun. Movies are a start...

When you are a dating teen, you go to the movies, because your parents are sitting at home and you need someplace to go.

Now I'm an adult. I own the home. I had a movie date, because my kids are now sitting at home!

A new match????

A got a new 'match' from an Internet dating site. I know I'm suppose to be open minded. Well, one can only open up their mind so far, before it starts to look more empty, than open!

I couldn't even begin to make this up, because I know none of you'd believe me! I hardly believe it myself, not that there is anything innately wrong with this man, it is just that everything is wrong as a match for me.

For starters, I reside in the state of California and southern California at that, he's in Wy.

I'm almost 50, he is 45.

He has 3 photos. One at work, okay, nothing wrong with blue collar workers, so picture #1 is neutral.

Photo #2 - the caption reads, "Look at my new tattoo".

Photo #3 - yes, folks for me this one is the kicker! A photo of himself, his large gun and the deer he'd just shot.

So, this is a 'match', how??? I don't even want to go camping unless there is good wine, really good coffee, an almost real potty and I don't have to really sleep on the ground. I sure as hell, am not skinning a deer!

The up side of those teens 'dating' as well..

We've a whole houseful of potential daters, well, except for my daughter who is 14 going on 36. She's not allowed to 'date' yet, but that doesn't keep her from falling in love and being concerned about her outfit. (Do people still say, 'outfit'?)

Anyway, dating does keep you 'cleaned up'. The living proof of that is currently upstairs. My teen age son's room is clean. I mean, it looks like I've been in there! The bed is made and made well! You can actually sit on the chair and there are no empty water bottles laying around, no clothes on the floor or school books and papers spread every where. Why, such a phenomena? A girl, of course, a cute girl at that and she's come to 'hang out' with him on his birthday.


Definitely an up side to this whole growing up, dating thing....

Being Careful who I date

I try to be careful who I date. After all it is a big, big scary world out there and one must be cautious. I've seen some scary stuff! However, nothing is more frightening than the thought of dating men with kids younger than mine.

My darling children are currently 20, 17 and 14 (going on 2 or 42 depending on the given hour). I saw this very lovely man, whose profile was more than intriguing, but then I saw he has 2 daughters and they are 10 and 13. Yikes!! What if I like him? I don't want to go through this teen age thing again, and I'm here to tell you girls are much harder than boys! Teenage boys are like being on a Roller coaster, with ups and downs, a few sharp turns but all in all doable and at times a bit exciting. Teenage girls are more like a cross between a Merry-go-Round and that ride from my youth, The Hammer Head! Fast, furious, no telling when the motion would change and guaranteed to make me sick, then sweet and simple again.

The man I'm currently seeing has 2 teenage boys and they live with him. The good news with this, is that when his kids are being bratty 'teens', it reminds me, that mine are really pretty good. Or like today, when one of my darlings managed to remain sullen for 7.5 miles of the 8 mile drive to school, because of my outlandish request that their sandals be picked up, he 'gets' it and reminds me to just enjoy the silence.

Compromise

If I haven't at 49 figured out that life is full of compromise, all I needed to do was go to on-line dating.

Often it happens in the first minute of reading a profile or looking at their pictures.

Ugh,he's got tattoos, but he's got hair.
Yikes, he's old, but he's tall.
Wow, what a great smile,ah, with his grandchildren...not sure I'm ready to date a grandfather (although it has happened).
Come on! Put your shirt back on, what are you thinking!
If that girl is not your sister, why is she in the picture...sheesh!
Okay, faithful fan, but do you have any clothes with out that team's logo on it?!?


Thank God that I don't know what compromise they see when they read my profile!

Those profiles

Profiles are just a peak and I often just don't understand them all that well. I can't tell you how many I've read, that say they have a wonderful sense of humor and the glass is half full. That may well be true, but then how come not one of their pictures shows them smiling?

Being optimistic by nature doesn't help me much. For instance, if their profile talks about 'loving to cook', unless it says "I love to cook. They do not mean your cooking with them, they mean your cooking for them! I for one find cooking completely over rated and only enjoy it when it can be done about 3-4 times a week.


I'd say about 80% of the profiles I've read say that 'they love walking on the beach'. I'm pretty sure the women's profiles run about the same average. Honestly, ugh! If all these people were really walking on the beach, it'd be really, really crowded! Not only that, some of these guys haven't been to the beach in years! I personally find walking on the beach over rated. After all, it is really hard on your feet and there's never a Starbucks in site. Hey, I love to walk, but I just don't need to go to the beach to do it.

New math

Regardless of the actual numbers of it all, middle age is going to be whatever I am now. I realize that this is a definition of new math, as I don't actually know that many 98 year olds, but that's just tough. I've got enough to deal with with this dating stuff without truly acknowledging that I am old!

Here I was just getting comfortable with little old people. In fact somewhere in the last 10 years with my parents aging and passing away, I come to just adore what I call the 'sweet olds', those dear people who could never be confused with those 'crabby olds'.

Do you know what I had to meet last weekend? Children!!! Yikes! I know I've been meeting my friends' children for years, but that was always a bit more like crowd control. I know how to do that, "No standing on the couch with Oreos and scissors in your hands, only two people on the trampoline at a time, do not poke the dog and do not even think about flushing that!"

Prior to last week, I have NEVER met a date's children, had to shake hands and act, well sane. Good heavens, I quickly gave up on that one. This is a come as you are party for sure, after all I was meeting teenagers and they are going to love you or hate you just because. The reality is that teens are in their own world and for the most part, they kind of don't care what or who their parent dates, which is a really safe place for the dating parent. My two teens at home will respond predictably if they may happen to be introduced to a date, my son will say "he seems nice" and my daughter will say "he's old". Usually, both are true.

Not completly blind dating

A friend has a friend....

Who knew that this would end up being more frightening than dating through the Internet! I guess although it has taken 9 months, I've found my comfort zone on this roller coaster of dating and the Internet certainly is a part of that. I mean, it is just me and them. If 'they', those men, don't like me, delete my profile or never contact me again, none of you will ever know.

But dating a friend of a friend of a friend, wow, that might be too close to home. Also, he lives in the next town, practically in my back yard!

So far, all I've been brave enough to do is gather the vital statistics, tall enough, reasonably old enough, sane enough, divorced enough, employed enough....

This is like dating under a microscope. I'll just think about it until I'm brave enough.

Where?

Except for a tiny bit of traipsing around, I have lived in Southern California all my life. My Internet profile says that I am willing to be 'matched' with someone who is 50 to 60 miles away from where I live. No big deal right?

In my opinion after living here all my life, I should not read the name of a man's town and respond, "What? Where?" I've never heard of some of these places! And you know why?? Because they are no where near civilization or actually even in this state!

The Internet sites call this 'flexible matching'. I call it ludicrous! Meeting at Starbucks for a latte is out of the question with these 'matches' not only because they are too far away, but because there are no Starbucks in these towns, if there is actually a town at all. If I want to date someone far away, at least I'll pick someone who lives in someplace I want to go.

My kids are enough

This is a unique time in life for my kids and myself! Not only do they have teenage angst, but they also have a parent who's dating. That is something that I have not experienced, and never expected to have them experience as well, but here it is. When I was a teen my parents embarrassed me all the time, after all, they were old, they were bossy and my dad was a dead ringer for Rodney Dangerfield, but at least they didn't date! As for my kids and I, I'm sure I have the better end of things, after all, I have them!

They keep me focused on the most important 'thing' I am doing with my life right now, which is raising them. There are probably days that they feel they are 'raising' me, but such is their path! I am a wise parent, but very naive in worldly ways, so they are often explaining the world to me. Telling me, that no one says that any more, complete with eye rolling that my language is so 1970s. Yes, it is true that I do use words that embarrass them, like 'neat' and 'terrific', which are just such great words. I refer to these as my "Marcia Brady vocabulary", however, when did people stop saying "with it"? As in, that is so 'with it'. This comment never fails to get major eye rolling complete with heavy sighs from them. Hey, I've had a lot to learn in this last year, clearly a new vocabulary has not been a part of it!

They may find my vocabulary lacking and know that I have the ability to embarrass them to no end, by such horrific things as having fun in public, laughing too loud or the worst, praising them in front of other people! However, for me, they are my landing place. They honestly believe in me and what a gift that is. They do not think I'm too old or too fat or any of the other 'toos' or junk I might carry around in my head. Really, all in all, they give me enough to go on!

Why I'm glad most of my friends aren't dating!

Back in the dark ages of high school and college, most of my friends and I were in the same 'dating boat' and let me tell you, those were some rocky seas! I'm delighted to be one of the only one of my friends dating, because you all help keep my 'boat' steady out once again on the rocky seas! Yes, as I've admitted in the past, it does take a village to get a girlfriend ready for a date. It takes a committed, intuitive, resourceful village to get a girlfriend ready for a fancy date.

Clearly, I've not been getting out into the adult world much! Okay, that's not entirely true, I've been to Parent teacher meetings, choir practice, book club, work and I even sit with adults at those high school football games. However, none of these events require heels, hose or out of the ordinary undergarments! Once again, I'm learning something new! A friend loaned me a "body shaper" much like a slip/bra/straight jacket guaranteed to smooth the tummy down, while keeping the 'girls' up. For the first time in my life, I got stuck in my underwear. I thought for a little while I was going to require help from the kids to pull mom out of the this 'slip', the body entrapper. I don't care what my friend says we are NOT the same size! Still, I am enlightened and now know exactly what to buy to go under my new red dress, however in a size that actually encourages breathing and movement.

The response of the 'village' to this fancy date, reminds me in a way of an Amish barn raising. The community has been summonded and they have flocked in with skirts, tops, dresses and undergarments to assist in outfitting and building up one of their own. This is community and I just can't do life with out it!

Oh, and the red dress.... fabulous!