This Ain't for Sissies.....

The great thing about on line dating is your rejection rate goes way up! Yes, I really did say that... do I like it? Duh... NO! However, it just maybe part of the process..... and it is actually getting easier.

I've been learning a LOT! I've met men, that I never would have, if I'd stayed in my little comfort zone.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm upset with them, it actually has nothing to do with them at all. The more I can figure that piece out, the healthier I'll get. The healthier I get, the better for us all....

I learning to hear and own the truth and discern and turn away the b.s.
I've learned that I am comfortable with me! Now, what a gift and when did that happen!

What ever happened to my comfort zone?

Back in the dark ages when I was newly married, it always amazed me how many divorced people wanted to give me advice on marriage! It never made any sense. Hello!!! How many times have you seen them interview the loser of the race for advice on what to do differently?!? "Well, gee," says last place runner, "I guess diet coke and Snickers really aren't the breakfast of champions are they? Hmmm..."

So, I now have my first book recomendation... How to get a Date worth Keeping. I'd only recommend reading it, if you are not happy with your dating life and you are willing to look at dating and 'do' dating differently. Which of course stretches our comfort zone, honestly since I started 'dating' I don't even recognize my comfort zone anymore!

The latest 'push' for me is being willing to be meeting/dating/chatting whatever with more than one man. Eeeewwww... can't I just have one date, find out he's a prince or a toad and be done? Apparently not. The point it seems is

1. it is not all about me (who knew) and I might have something to offer the other person (gasp, surprise)

2. I've got lots to learn about me (yep, I was afraid of that)

3. We only learn by expanding our contacts, opportunities and situations.

So, here it is in black and white... for the next few months, I'm 'suppose' to not date just 'one' man. I'm sure I'll have more to say about this so stay tuned....

Blog or not, there are somethings I'm not telling...

Quite frankly gals, I'm amazed at what 'you all' ask me! Now this may just be a small minority, but you'd be surprised what I've been asked about my dates! Actually it makes me blush a bit just thinking about some of the questions I've had thrown my way! From his looks... height... pocket book... marital status... family... and kissing or beyond (yikes!) Beyond, how old is he, where does he live, what does he do, does he have kids, almost all of the other questions make me uncomfortable. Do I want to share and talk about a great date.... you bet! I'll tell you, if he was fun, kind, comfortable to be with, pushy, smoked or had 2 noses, 3 ears and missing teeth.

I'll not tell why or how he came to be single...

if he was a good kisser.....etc!

Even on a blog... somethings that happen with Lola, stay with Lola.

I'm back....

So I guess this venue of rambling thoughts is addictive, so I'm back! I've appointed a good friend to be my very own "Jiminy Cricket" and yank my chain should I let my words get carried away!

I know I'm in a whole new world, one Mom & Dad did NOT ever dream of for their 49 year old daughter! Last week I dutifully went for my annual physical. My doctor is a darling, trendy dressed, bright woman who looks about 25 years old. She is glad I'm dating and then says, "Have we had our STD talk?" Once I'm done blushing, I say, "Ah, no, but have at it!"

An interesting experience

Well, to all of you who've given me encouragement to 'test' my wings in life, whether out on the lily pad, being a mom or writing this blog. I give you my thanks!

I'm going to take a second look and step down from the blog site for a bit, as I sift through my thoughts. I enjoy sharing the humorous ramblings of my mind... perhaps it will take a different form.

The possibility exists that I could hurt either my children's feelings or someone I may be dating and that draws me up a bit short. That is not who I am or who I want to be...

so as I work on figuring this out....

blessings to you all,

Sharing the confusion

Mom dating = confusion for kids and me alike! One of my children adamantly wants me to date, unless of course it looks like I may actually have a date. This same child then quite adamantly knows that they are not ready for me to date! On vacation we were recently in limited cell service, so speaking on the phone was something of an art form, that required great tenacity. My 20 yr old son made it look easy as he chatted nightly with his girlfriend. Getting advice so I can 'talk' on the phone to a man from my son, is nothing short of weird! Just who is raising who here? Coming in later than he did one night after we were both on the phone was even weirder, having him 'call' me on it in the morning.... I just grinned!

It takes a village....

....to get a girl friend ready for a date! Whether it is bowling, coffee or dinner, often I need help and I'll take it where I can find it! Yep, I am not too proud, as last week I relied on the opinions of the two teens at home. Well, some would call that desperate! One voted for one shirt/skirt combo and one voted of course for the other, leaving me no option, but to start over completely. Combo #3 was a success earning two thumbs up from them both! Whew! This is progress as it usually takes 4 outfit changes before being ready to leave the house.

Branching out into new more trendy, upbeat styles requires calling out the A-team... women! So to all you out there, who've helped be get comfortable with new styles, pick out the new jewelry, buy the new outfit or reminded me that feeling good about my appearance is worth the investment this one's for you! I can't push the envelope alone.

About that Roller Coaster...

Sometimes the best part of riding a roller coaster is after you've been waiting in line and you know that the next turn is yours! The anticipation of fun and adventure, oh, the thrill!

You haven't gotten in the seat yet, bumped your knees getting in, sat in something sticky and wonder if this safety belt will really hold you or lurched off yet, completely out of control and not knowing if you'll be exhilarated, wanting to go right back on, or sick to your stomach wondering why you put yourself through these things!

The time between making plans for the first meeting/date is a bit like waiting for your turn on the roller coaster. You've set it up, the time, the place and now the waiting. You're anticipating an "E" ticket adventure, perhaps even a 'Prince'.... Or the other reality is, you could be headed for another of Mr. Toad's Wild Rides.

Words to make me nuts!

The reality is that the opposite sex can drive one crazy with 3 little words... "I'll call you." It sounds good when they say it and sometimes they even do it, but plenty of times.... it just drives me more insane than usual. Mostly, because I want to know "When?" I mean if I knew what to expect I'd handle it much better.

Of course I at 49 am way too calm, cool and collected to do this. After all, I have a life. A great life actually and I really only want a great match. However, with the "I'll call you", what does that really mean.... I'll call you today? I'll call you tomorrow? I'll call you next month? I'll call you, after I've gone out with every other woman on the personal site. Those dangerous daggers of dating!

So, one is left waffling... both 'dumping them in your head' and not even worrying that you're in a location with no cell service, to taking the phone with you even into the restroom 'just in case'....

Now, at 49, I know I should be too old for this! Well, apparently, I am not, sigh!

A Clean Slate...

With the opportunity of 'meeting' more men, comes the chance of being 'passed' on as well. A few days ago, I had the odd occasion to be, well let's say 'passed' on by two men on the same day. Both actually emailed, both had something nice to say and each declared that 'we' were not a match. You know what, they were right! It felt like a clean slate and although it was odd, it was really okay!

Now, I know I've come far.... I knew we were not meant to be, and it actually restored my hope in men, that contrary to popular opinion, they truly were capable of communicating. Wow, who knew!

I'm getting better at rejection, both receiving and giving. I'm not going to all this trouble for just 'any' match. I'm holding out for a good match, yep Polly Anna is back in the house.

The Problem with names...

We know we are getting old when we can't keep our kids names straight. Well, imagine the added confusion with men! Whether you've met them, emailed them or spoken on the phone... there are now a whole host of new names to keep straight! And, it isn't easy sister!

I dated a man named Clyde, who I was forever afraid of calling Claude!

I went to met a man (who wasn't a match, but that is a different story) and all the time I was driving there I kept repeating his name in my head in the hopes of getting it right.

I'm talking to a very nice man now, who has the same name as one of my brothers. No problem,right? Wrong, in my head I keep calling him the name of my OTHER brother!

Now I know, why my father called all of my friends 'Dear'.... he may have had something there!

Being brave...

No matter what any of us bring to this 'dating table', I believe there is an element of bravery. Some may see it as bravado or foolishness.

However I don't think so. It requires a large degree of hopefulness, along with perhaps more bravery than we sometimes think we can muster. For those of us, at mid-life... we haven't gotten here the easy way.

We've been thrown off the horse as it were and it takes great bravery to be willing to put your heart back on the line....

Luckily we only have to be brave one day at a time.

A mother of teenagers and dating....omg!

Well, who would have ever thought those two things would go together! Mother of Teens and Dating!

The nice thing about dating and having teenagers is that when they start to tell you how 'old or out of it' you are, you get to respond with some really sweet replies. My favorite, "Yes, but I have a date tonight!"

My teens want to know very, very little when it comes to my dating. Did you have fun or was he nice.... period!

They definitely do NOT want to know you've bought new underwear and especially do NOT want to know what kind of underwear it is. They do NOT want to really know anything about your date, the date itself or you. And they absolutely and truly do NOT want to know, if you are a good kisser!

(Which by the way....


I am!!!)

Those Jack pot moments

Ahhh.... those jack pot moments... of on line dating!!! This is when you are communicating, they seem nice, but you haven't met yet. Sometimes, like today you may even be 'chating' or moving on to the phone or meeting and there are 2 men, both with hair!

Polly Anna is In the House

I am naive and optimistic by nature, a true "Polly Anna".

In order to 'sort' on line, one has to remain Open Minded. I do want to be an open minded individual and continue to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Just because I had coffee with a Latino who was missing some teeth, doesn't mean all Latinos are missing teeth.

Just because I had coffee with a gentle man of color who was 10 years older than he claimed to be doesn't mean all men of color are.

Just because I had dinner with a man from the middle East who didn't smoke, except like a chimney, didn't drink, but had a gambling problem and was as pushy as a snow plow, doesn't mean all are.

I hope, I hope, I hope.

Remaining non-judgemental and giving people a chance, continues to be who I want to be...

On line dating and artichokes

On line dating is a bit like eating an artichoke. They both have thorns, need preparation or work to make them worth while and you've just got to keep at it, if you ever want to get to the heart!

Patience...

Patience... the dreaded "P" word. I never pray for patience, because you don't 'get' patience. You 'get' the opportunity to practice patience. But yes, Internet dating or dating in general requires patience. This, is without a doubt the hardest part for me to remember. As I am on my Lilly Pad, so is Mr. Reasonably-Right (I hope) and we've got to kiss our toads and hope eventually our Lilly pads collide.

Beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder. A few photos that just did not entice me were....

Pet dog drinking beer!

The photo of the man in a speedo taken from the head down as to seem naked...

The naked man in a lotus position so there was 'coverage'... scary!

Those taken by camera phone in the bathroom mirror...

Pictures of their new BMW...

or those 'overly' posed..

AND THOSE I LOVED....

pictures playing with their kids, grand kids or dog...

and the dear pictures of men being willing to just show us who they are with honesty, whether it is at their favorite football game or even on their Harley (which is a descussion I'll leave for another time...)