Just looking

No, I'm not ready to put my profile back up and get out there and start 'dating' again. I'm sure I will, but in a little while. However, with the Internet one can 'just look'.

You guys are making me laugh. Don't you think we read these things you write AND even possibly remember? An acquaintance through work had a profile last year, that I saw. It said he was new to Internet dating and had never tried it out before, but he was giving it a try.

No problem right? Well, yes, last year. However, his profile is still up, still says he is new and when he joined the site I was using 6 months ago, once again said the same thing. Sheesh, how long can it be 'new' for you and how many sites does one use before they've 'tried' it out! Give me a break...

Out of the mouth of babes

If you know my 'babes' you are well aware that two of them are taller than I and the third is closing the gap daily. However, they are still and will forever be my 'babes'. I am blessed by them and I know it.

Until the recent break up, I was dating the same man for the last 4 1/2 months. I'm glad I mostly left my kids out of my dating, as I really do believe it best for them. However, they did get to know him just a bit.

I've let them know of my breaking off of the relationship and why. More gently and wisely than their years, they affirmed my decision and my worth.

With polite respect for all parties, one of my sons gave me a gift, as he said, "Mom, I think you'd be better complemented with someone who is a little less Eeyore and a little more Tigger".

Don't poke the bear...

When dating, especially over the internet, some men claim to be a 'big ole teddy bear'. Yes, it seems to be true and at 50+ they are a bit more like the well loved childhood toy than those fresh of the shelf. A lot of them have bald patchs, their stuffing has shifted and they may not even have all their parts.

That's okay, because these kind of teddy bears know how to offer comfort, support and love.

However, when you poke them, if they growl, bite or snap your head off... it is best to just get the h*ll out of there.

A tough weekend

Some days there just is nothing funny to say...

What's that song say? "Breaking up is hard to do"? Ain't it the truth! Like a train wreck, I knew this was coming or rather if I chose to be healthier this time around, that this break up was coming.

It really all came down to the dough nut or the hole. He was always looking at the hole OR explaining why there was a hole and how much money the dough nut company was saving by having a hole and dough nuts use to be better back in 'the day' when there was no hole, except we all know for this metaphor, dough nuts ALWAYS had holes.

And so I've had to give up this relationship, even the good stuff, because the focus on the hole was turning into a big black hole that sucked the joy and fun from life and it was too much. So I am sad and yet at the same time a little bit free..

Mr. Potato Head

It has been one calendar year since I gathered up my courage, wrote my profile and went 'on-line'. Dating at our age, you pretty much get guys who are, well, if not set in their ways like cement, the cement is being poured. In a way this is good, as you can't change someone, shouldn't try or think you can. As always it is a matter of examining one likes and dislikes to see if a match can work.

The man I've been dating and I have what I'd call an attitude discord. All that to mean, we've hit a rough patch, I've been seeing it coming, and the options for tomorrow not quite decided.

However, it makes me want to date Mr. Potato Head. Remember that toy, where you could pick what kind of nose, hat, ears etc. Mr. Potato Head had?

With the dating year in review I'd build my own Mr. Dating Potato Head from my infamous dates this year:

Harley Guy - his prayer ritual
Simi Tom - sense of humor & financial stability
Coffee with Carlos - hmmm, no idea! Oh, yes, loved to dance!
Zoo Guy - location
Clyde - height
Jack - giggle
Persian Guy - politeness
John - spirituality & loves his job
Joseph - generosity

Mr. Dating Potato Head, where are you?

I'm finally understanding...

I'm finally understanding those 30 year old guys. They've got a steady girlfriend, they love her, enjoy being with her, are working hard at their job and are happy to keep it all just that way. They are not that interested in getting married, hey, why upset the apple cart? The future exists in, well in the future. Today they are just happy with the way it is today. They've got a lot on their plate, and I get it!

I've got work, kids, a house, two dogs and a steady boyfriend. It is all I can handle, just for today, and I handle it best today, just the way it is. Hey, why upset the apple cart?

A warning system

My youngest child benefits from my 'boy friend' as he does not have any girls and hence finds her immensely amusing. If you don't live with this child, she is immensely amusing.

This girl's birthday is just around the corner and she wants to include him, with some 'boundaries'. She wants him to come, but doesn't want to see us kiss. She makes it sound like we're two teens attached at the lips. NOT! A simple kiss, does sometimes happen, which is of course quite lovely for me.

Her solution is to have a warning system. She plans to make an alarm sound prior to entering a room where we might be.

Exposing oneself

In the past, I believed that I was a 'normal' person... ha, ha, ha. Today I've learned that perhaps I am a normal, yet 'private' person. Oh, right, that said from someone who has a blog on their mid-life dating. Hmmmm.... Okay, I guess that means I am a private person sometimes. There! That is sufficiently vague.

Steadily dating Josiah for the last 4 months. We've spoken or emailed each other everyday during that time. There are mentions of the other to our kids, but except for a few handful of times our time together has been solitary. We are both still entrenched in raising teens, so our opportunities to be together are infrequent and it is natural to chose to be alone when our schedules align.

Today he was at church with me. No big deal right? Well not exactly. I've been a member there for 25 years, was married there, sat on committees, baptized my children, cried, sang and am raising my children there. The majority of my friends belong there and it is there that I am known, it is my home, my extended family.

I did nothing out of the ordinary today, sang in the choir, greeted my friends, drank some horrible Presbyterian coffee, there with him.... and it felt like I was running up and down the pews naked! Well, maybe not naked, just in mismatched underwear with everyone to see, that I was there at church with a.... with a.. man.

Yes, I survived and all I can say is that if you weren't there, you might have missed it.

You might be a bad date if...

Your boobs are bigger than mine

You stand on your tip toes to try to kiss me

You steal the salt shaker on the way out of a restaurant

You are missing teeth and you're okay with it

You don't offer to buy my latte

You spend most of the date talking about your ex-wife

You tell me how you prefer a Brazilian, on the first date!

Setting good examples

It would seem that there might just be two kinds of parents out there. Those that are concerned about setting a good example, and well those other ones.

For the most part, I've tried pretty hard to set a good example for my kids. Sheesh, I even gave up eating cookies for breakfast because of them.

Being an adult and having them watch you date opens a whole new Grand Canyon vista of opportunities for them to examine your behavior. Good or bad? Who knows! My own parents were married for 53 years, when Dad passed away.

I guess there is nothing in my dating at 49, that is a bad example for a 49 year old, however there in lies my concern, they are not 49.

So far they (those kids) seem to be launching into adulthood with pretty good heads on their shoulders. In fact they get to give me back all kinds of advice I might once have given them.

When pulling away for our Thanksgiving trip, my eldest said, "Okay, have fun and make good choices".

Opportunity

Depending on my mood this word, opportunity is a gift or a curse.

Dating is just like life. Wow, how profound. We want our 'opportunities' to be exciting, open new horizons, be the grass we think is greener.

Yet, unless one is dating an alien life force, men are still men. They're fathers, workers, sons, they were often husbands and now they are dates, boyfriends and this is a whole new world.

There are days I am delighted by the new opportunity. To find out that my sweetheart thinks I'm worth the moon and the sky. Then there are days that the opportunity are too much, as I see this same man puts peas in the macaroni and cheese (yuck).

One of the few things I've learned in life is to never pray for patience. You never get patience delivered nicely on your doorstep, you get the 'opportunity' to practice patience. I for one have enough opportunities just for today.

yep, it is a whole new year

Wow, what a ride!!! This roller coaster of life has especially this last year given us thrills, chills and a few spills. No matter the ride, I find that I am a fairly balanced mix of introvert and extrovert. Enjoying my extroversion best with those I care about, making them laugh, enjoying time together and needing a bit of time alone from even them to regroup.

Just this time last year I was beginning the tiny steps toward dating again. Helped by the tool of the Internet, I forged ahead. Sat on my sister's bed with she and her partner, 'man sorting'. Looking at profiles and fine tuning my profile, ready to send it out there, into the dating void....

That was before I knew that there would be people trying to scam me, those guys who were 'in Africa building orphanages', sheesh, do I look that dumb or that rich???

I'm entering 2009 with a steady Sweetheart (sorry, he is 55 and 'boyfriend' just doesn't work) content with just dating for now. We're both still raising kids, trying to make a living and not tear our hair out, grateful for another adult who thinks we're special to spend time with.... beyond that...

well, today is enough for me to handle, I'll leave the rest up to my Lord. Thankfully he's in charge.