Hope or Fear

I've just realized that fear and hope can not exist together. I can not hold hope, unless I am willing to let go of fear. I am working fairly diligently on making better decisions and creating new patterns of behaviour and thinking. This is a bit harder than one would imagine, because my knowledge is of a relationship that had patterns and behaviour that was not healthy and ultimately did not work. Figuring out my 'part' in that and not repeating it, is an on going process. All of which makes me more whole and healthier, which also makes me a better partner and a better mother.

I find myself practicing new ways of behaving, and then double checking with those I trust. "Is this what healthy people do?" I've got to tell you this transition is a lot of work. However, therein lies the 'hope'. New healthy behavior, to lead to a healthier relationship.

New behavior is hard, but doable. Letting go of fear is the next step. Once I realized if I want 'Hope', I've got to let go of 'Fear', it all seems a bit clearer to me. I'm excited, yes a bit a trepidation, but looking forward once again to the possibilities that life has to offer.

What do you call him?

I am dating one man. I can handle saying that. I can say, "Oh, the man I'm dating". I can even call him by his name, which happens to be the same as my father's, but I think I already went over that dilemma.

However, I get tongue tied and trip all over the words at, oh alright then, b..b..boyfriend. I mean he is 55 years old for heaven's sake! He hasn't been a boy for a very, very long time, in fact his boys are almost not boys anymore.

Clearly we need a bit more vocabulary here. 'Boyfriend', just sounds... funny, odd and weird. 'Man friend' sounds like something from a Frankenstein movie. To say, 'my friend' sounds gay and I although I happen to adore gays, I am not, so that doesn't help. There are a few other words I could use, but they actually only get me into more trouble.

When I told him one lunch that one of the kids had called him, my 'boyfriend'. He just smiled.

Why adults need Internet dating sites

My daughter is in Jr. High. The key to surviving this painful passage of life is to have a good friend. I'm witness that all of life's pains and joys are better shared with a good friend or friends.

When you're in Jr. High and you 'like' someone, a good friend plays a crucial roll. They are the one who literally pushes you into the boy you like when passing in the hall. Once you get pushed into them, you have the opportunity to speak with them. Simple isn't it?

Once you're an adult having your friend around at the right moment to 'push' you into some handsome man in Starbucks, is just a bit more complicated.

Mixing dates and kids....

Mixing dates and kids and why you don't want to do it! My kids are wonderful, but, well, human and teenage humans at that! Up to now, I've been keeping dates away from them for the kids' sake. Now, I believe I'll keep them away from mine or for my date's.

When my kids meet my friends, they have a polite and passing interest in them.

When my kids meet a date, they have a polite, yet a puffing of the chest and a drawing a line in the sand interest in them. Wow, who knew!

Do you have any idea how much a 14 year old girl can talk? Entertaining for sure, overwhelming, well at least to me!

Gals remember when you use to bring home a guy to meet your dad? Well, that is nothing compared to a date meeting your son! Especially when although the son may not have a license to drive, he does shave and can truly look the date in the eye.

After sharing all of about 25 minutes of dinner with my date, my artistic, peace loving son summed it all up to this:

"Mom, he seems smart enough to treat you well and if he doesn't I'm pretty sure my brother and I can take him"

Internet dating a bit like Disneyland

I took my kids to Disneyland. We had a lot of fun, got tired and yes, spent a lot of money and my feet hurt. Memories made...

Waiting in the twisting, rambling lines, you get to see a lot of humanity. Most of it families or couples. About these couples, there sure is a lot of unique pairing that happens in life! The curvy girl with boys boxers showing, the curvy girl with her boobs showing, the Swedish boy using Snuff (who knew this still existed), tattoos galore, beards, bald heads and piercings, young and older and of course fat and fatter.

Looking at the men in these lines I realized, that the variety of people on an Internet dating site is very similar to these guys in line. There were plenty of men in those waiting lines, however, there were very few I'd like to get on a bobsled or pirate boat with, much less let them buy me some ears!

However, there were a few, which is the whole point. It reminded me of the the diversity of the world, and all the possibilities that exist. It is also helpful to remember once again the necessity of being patient, while 'in line'. There are a few men out there, and they may be worth hanging in there and waiting for the fireworks.

Movie date

Movies are great. Movies are fun. Movies are a start...

When you are a dating teen, you go to the movies, because your parents are sitting at home and you need someplace to go.

Now I'm an adult. I own the home. I had a movie date, because my kids are now sitting at home!

A new match????

A got a new 'match' from an Internet dating site. I know I'm suppose to be open minded. Well, one can only open up their mind so far, before it starts to look more empty, than open!

I couldn't even begin to make this up, because I know none of you'd believe me! I hardly believe it myself, not that there is anything innately wrong with this man, it is just that everything is wrong as a match for me.

For starters, I reside in the state of California and southern California at that, he's in Wy.

I'm almost 50, he is 45.

He has 3 photos. One at work, okay, nothing wrong with blue collar workers, so picture #1 is neutral.

Photo #2 - the caption reads, "Look at my new tattoo".

Photo #3 - yes, folks for me this one is the kicker! A photo of himself, his large gun and the deer he'd just shot.

So, this is a 'match', how??? I don't even want to go camping unless there is good wine, really good coffee, an almost real potty and I don't have to really sleep on the ground. I sure as hell, am not skinning a deer!

The up side of those teens 'dating' as well..

We've a whole houseful of potential daters, well, except for my daughter who is 14 going on 36. She's not allowed to 'date' yet, but that doesn't keep her from falling in love and being concerned about her outfit. (Do people still say, 'outfit'?)

Anyway, dating does keep you 'cleaned up'. The living proof of that is currently upstairs. My teen age son's room is clean. I mean, it looks like I've been in there! The bed is made and made well! You can actually sit on the chair and there are no empty water bottles laying around, no clothes on the floor or school books and papers spread every where. Why, such a phenomena? A girl, of course, a cute girl at that and she's come to 'hang out' with him on his birthday.


Definitely an up side to this whole growing up, dating thing....

Being Careful who I date

I try to be careful who I date. After all it is a big, big scary world out there and one must be cautious. I've seen some scary stuff! However, nothing is more frightening than the thought of dating men with kids younger than mine.

My darling children are currently 20, 17 and 14 (going on 2 or 42 depending on the given hour). I saw this very lovely man, whose profile was more than intriguing, but then I saw he has 2 daughters and they are 10 and 13. Yikes!! What if I like him? I don't want to go through this teen age thing again, and I'm here to tell you girls are much harder than boys! Teenage boys are like being on a Roller coaster, with ups and downs, a few sharp turns but all in all doable and at times a bit exciting. Teenage girls are more like a cross between a Merry-go-Round and that ride from my youth, The Hammer Head! Fast, furious, no telling when the motion would change and guaranteed to make me sick, then sweet and simple again.

The man I'm currently seeing has 2 teenage boys and they live with him. The good news with this, is that when his kids are being bratty 'teens', it reminds me, that mine are really pretty good. Or like today, when one of my darlings managed to remain sullen for 7.5 miles of the 8 mile drive to school, because of my outlandish request that their sandals be picked up, he 'gets' it and reminds me to just enjoy the silence.

Compromise

If I haven't at 49 figured out that life is full of compromise, all I needed to do was go to on-line dating.

Often it happens in the first minute of reading a profile or looking at their pictures.

Ugh,he's got tattoos, but he's got hair.
Yikes, he's old, but he's tall.
Wow, what a great smile,ah, with his grandchildren...not sure I'm ready to date a grandfather (although it has happened).
Come on! Put your shirt back on, what are you thinking!
If that girl is not your sister, why is she in the picture...sheesh!
Okay, faithful fan, but do you have any clothes with out that team's logo on it?!?


Thank God that I don't know what compromise they see when they read my profile!